Lately i have been trying to just take in life, one day at a time. all it is is a waiting game, a waiting game at life. Tues: EEG Wed: PET scan Thurs: See DOC ( o and see if this whole chemo routine is working) how do you know: "I know it is working"-mom.
Are you prepared for the atom bomb?Are you prepared for my aching arms?Are you prepared?Are you prepared?Are you prepared for serenity?Are you prepared to disagree?Are you prepared?Are you prepared for me?Do you know who I am?I'm alive, you understand?Alive
-The Birds&the.bees-preparedness
I feel alive. I felt alive last night going to dinner at a yum place called sweet basil. I sat and was happy, i did not think about cancer i didnt think about life on a schedule. I sat with someone who cares and doesnt care about cancer. At least not the point that i have it. I laughed until my stomach hurt and my eyes were tearing up over little things, i cry as much as i want to, as much as they flow. Laughing is harder.
A song can make a girl cry- the sweetness, the new bliss, thinking of old memories, thinking about this life of waiting. I ache and cry because i might die. and cant bring myself to cry over beautiful things. Art, poetry-love. nothing. I used to be that girl that cried over beauty.
I know it will come back.
I dont know what is coming up and i cant look back. Im fighting a fight i will win, and this will pass. I want a normal life, a peacefull life- happiness, hair- Life. this whole thing scares me.
